Despertando

This one goes out to Dani...

2009-03-09T20:39:00.003-04:00

I've become a Saturday evening Mass attender. I very much enjoy going on Saturdays...the community is much smaller. Maybe a total of 40 people come causing the church to switch the Mass from the large sanctuary to a tiny little chapel down the hall that is generally used for a noon-time daily Mass. The community is comprised of many elderly individuals, including but not limited to Sr. Margaret (my wonderful boss), Sr. Bernadette (the spunkiest woman you've ever seen), and Margaret (our good friend who joined us for Thanksgiving). My Saturday evenings are filled with hugs and kisses, I feel, increasing with every week I attend. I enjoy being one of the youngest individuals in attendance.

However, this blog is not about my community, but about Saturday's Mass...namely homily and this Lenten journey.

This weekend's Gospel was the Transfiguration from Mark. The first reading, coming from Genesis, spoke of Abraham being willing to sacrifice his only son Isaac to show his undying devotion to God. Fr. Joe, then, spoke of withholding in life and how we are called to not withhold anything, especially in regard to showing our love to God.

His homily really stuck with me and has made me reflect upon my own life. Where am I withholding in life? Or with who?

I'm learning this year how to be more open and honest with myself and with others. Sometimes I'm more successful than other times. During the beginning of the year, I really learned how to share my sufferings with others, especially my roommates and mom. Before this year, I don't think I had ever called up my mother sobbing uncontrollably...I certainly did not make her anxiety about sending me off to big NYC any easier. I think things have improved greatly though. Being on the opposite coast from the vast majority of those I love has also taught me how to prioritize relationships among other things in my life.

Life is truly what we make of it. Every day has the possibility of being a great day if only we open ourselves up to everything it has to offer. It can be little more than smiling at little kids who are excited to run into their computer teacher or literally spending hours at the copy machine doing work for someone, but knowing that your work is helping ease their workload or it can be as monumental as spending an hour on the phone with a good friend laughing or crying or catching up or walking downtown as you work up an appetite with another friend or joining your roommates for a concert and just wonder and awe at the God-given voices sing praise and glory to our Lord.

My goal this Lenten season is to continue working on not withholding myself from life and God and what He's willing to show me. My prayer is that as my Lenten journey continues, I may learn how to incorporate this philosophy into my entire life long after the beauty that is the Triduum.

Behold...I am the handmaid of the Lord. May it be done to me according to Your will.

We want to give you a hug...

2009-02-13T18:31:00.002-05:00

I didn't think I would enjoy working with kids on the computer as much as I have over the last several weeks. On computer days, my job isn't necessarily difficult. Essentially, I sit with one or two students at a time and work with them on computer games whether it be coloring, math, reading. The software and my purpose is more to get them comfortable working on the computer than anything else. Basically, I get to play with a bunch of four year olds.

Before working at St. Nick's and now with the pre-K classes, I've had more exposure to little kids than I think I ever had in my life. I'm constantly touched and amazed by their caring ways, their simple gestures, their youthful innocence.

When I am working with the little ones at times it does get to be a little much trying to get them to understand how to play a certain game or even learn not to press the mouse so many times to be able to let the computer think. Yet when I think upon my days working with the kids, these little things rarely cross my mind.

What stays with me is when I accidentally make one girl cry because she doesn't want me to leave. Or when another girl wants so badly for me to play with her in the kitchen. Or when one little energy-filled kid runs after me and tells me quite frankly "we want to give you a hug."

More and more this year, I've begun to understand the importance of a ministry of presence. I've talked to Sr. Margaret, my boss, about it from time to time and I realize, this is what life is all about.

It doesn't so much matter that I do the most or am the best at anything. What matters is that I'm here spending my time being me and being present to others. Sometimes I forget that fact, but then I hear Sr. Margaret tell me that I've made her life so much brighter by being in it this year or Ms. Minerva tells me how her students are always asking if the "computer lady" is going to be coming in that particular day.

While this is just one day out of a typical week for me, I feel at times it is what gives me the most joy. I pray that I may never lose that joy in life.

"You are not merely here to make a living. You are here in order to enable the world to live more amply, with greater vision, with a finer spirit of hope and achievement. You are here to enrich the world, and you impoverish yourself if you forget the errand." ~ Woodrow Wilson

May we never lose sight of the preciousness of being truly present to others.

"You have beautiful hair..."

2009-02-08T16:40:00.002-05:00

On Fridays, my day consists of going between three pre-K classrooms and working on the computer with 4 year olds. It's funny how something as simple as sitting with a couple of kids at a time can cause such an impact, either for the students, teachers, or me.

This last Friday I was working with Dawnette and Brianna. I encourage the kids to work together taking turns to complete a game, whatever they happen to be playing. When they get answers right, I'm a huge fan of the 'high five' and I think most of the kids are as well.

Dawnette took an immediate and surprising liking to me. As I would go to give her five, she would leave her hand in mine for a few seconds as if to hold my hand for a bit. I was sitting right next to her and after another question answered correctly, she leaned over and gave me a quick kiss on the cheek and informed me that I had beautiful hair. I returned the compliment as I was very much enjoying her long, thick black braids. After working with the two girls a little bit longer, Dawnette gave me another peck and told me she loved me. My heart melted.

It's amazing to me how spending so little time with these kids can create such a trust. In the middle of living in the Bronx, it's refreshing to see such innocence. While I feel as though many of these kids are forced to grow up way too quickly due to their difficult realities, it's nice to see that for a little bit these four year olds can still get excited over "Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star" and a job well done.

While financially I may not have the most lucrative position available, I consider myself a rich woman. I feel blessed to be showered with hugs, kisses, high fives, and smiles. Whether I get these from my students, my coworkers, or my roommates, I feel as though I have been given this great treasure that so many people have been willing to share their affection with me.

What I'm learning is that New York, and especially the Bronx, is not as hard, cold, or distant as people make it out to be. At the end of the day, it is just a city filled with people who are all searching for love.

Todo Cambio...

2009-02-03T20:57:00.002-05:00

Okay, so I'm titling my post this for three reasons: 1) it just came on and I'm currently listening to it; 2) I have a soft spot in my heart for Camila and this song in particular; and 3) my 2009 from my 2008, it's pretty fitting (except for what the song is about which is all romantic and lovey-dovey and such, which my life is not currently).

That being said...I'm going to try to be more faithful to this little blog for the remainder of my time in the BX, filling it with little anecdotes, inspiring quotes, thoughts on faith, and life in general.

As a brief update on the last 2 1/2 months of my life...I am no longer working at the school, but am now serving half of the week in a shelter for women and children (Siena House, with Meg) and the other half in a day care (Universal Day Care/Tolentine Zeiser Pre-Kindergarten). Life is grand. I've learned a lot. Cried a ton (before Christmas). And I've grown more than I thought imaginable.

Now, life...

Today, I had two big highlights.

The first, I made a new BFF. On Tuesdays I'm at Siena House. This morning I was working on a bulletin board down by the kitchen and Orlando,the maintenance/custodial man during the days was cleaning. Generally, we simply say a quick "hello" "how are you" and whatnot. I thought he knew that I knew Spanish (he's from the DR), but every time we've spoken, it's been in English. Anyhow, I'm in the middle of taking something off the board and out of nowhere he asks me, in Spanish mind you, if I'm usually that quiet (I wasn't really saying anything). This begins a lovely conversation about Mexico, the Dominican Republic, the Caribbean, our families, travelling, education, and so on. From then on, every time I ran into him, we shared a few more quick comments. Yay for new friends!

The second, I held my second workshop by myself. Throughout the week, different people will hold workshops for the women ranging from health issues to arts and crafts to education. Yesterday I held my first. Today began our series on Black History Month. The topic was going to be an introduction to the month, what it means, why we celebrate it, other thoughts. I was really excited because I had four women (which is a decent turnout) join me and our conversation turned to issues such as racism, stereotyping, and Obama as president. Then, we all wrote our own "I have a dream"'s which will be typed up and put up throughout the building during the whole month. Living in the Bronx and especially working at Siena House has really opened my eyes to holidays like MLK Day and Black History Month in a whole new way. I don't think I've ever appreciated them so much as I do this year, being able to see what they mean to an inner city individual who has the chance to dream big because of them.

Tomorrow is another day at Siena. Hopefully the snow that has been falling all day will somewhat subside and be cleared by morning. Otherwise it'll be a slushy trek to work.

Other than that, I suppose I'll be bundled up for the next six weeks of winter Phil's predicted for us. Whoo-hoo...

I get by with a little help from my friends...

2009-02-03T20:54:00.000-05:00

“Consult not your fears but your hopes and your dreams. Think not about your frustrations, but about your unfulfilled potential. Concern yourself not with what you have tried and failed in, but with what it is still possible for you to do.” ~ Pope John XXIII

I never anticipated calling my mom and crying to her about another difficult day. I never thought I would break down in front of my roommates and be so completely vulnerable to them in such a short time. I never foresaw coming to a decision to leave my placement, contemplate going home, and learning so much about myself before Christmas.

Before my year as an Augustinian Volunteer, I had done service work before. Granted, it had never been a situation anything like my time here in the Bronx, but I had done enough to know that when you put yourself in a situation of service, you should have no expectations. As much as I had thought I was coming into this experience without expectations, deep down inside of me, even though I was praying for a life altering journey, I did not ever consider it would play out as my first few months did.

I am thankful for every single moment of it.

I think during the period of September to December, I shed more tears than I ever have. I called home and opened myself up completely to my frustrations, sufferings, and fears in life. I was forced into pure honesty with myself and my roommates. For maybe the first time in my life, I looked deep into myself and stepped away from a situation that I knew for my best interest was not right for me.

I lived. I learned. I wept. I grew.

What, then, did this period teach me?

More than anything, I learned about love. I consider myself a pretty blessed person to have so many wonderful individuals in my life, but I know that I too often take them for granted. I find it difficult at times to be 100% vulnerable with myself, let alone with others, especially those I have not known for very long. Yet this experience broke down any boundaries I or my roommates may have had.

Initially, I wanted to do a year of service for the purpose of doing service. I really liked the fact that the Augustinian Volunteers focused so much on community, but I was viewing this as an added bonus to the spiritual and service oriented aspects of the program. I did not realize that living in community would come to be what I have cherished the most about my experience so far.

Katie, Kendra, and Meg have helped me tremendously over the last few months. When I was struggling, they would be there to listen to my problems or give me advice, even if I was not necessarily always the most receptive. They were patient with me as I worked through my difficulties. They were strong and believed in me when I had stopped believing in myself. They have inspired me, challenged me, and taught me about how to live.

I could probably go on for much too long about how each has individually shaped my life for the better this year and not even begin to cover all of their gifts, strengths, and beauty. When I think about community, I look to them and the community we have built on honesty, support, and love with one another. When I think about service, I look to them and see how each has embraced her position and far exceeded what was ever expected of them because they believe in what they’re doing with their heart. When I think about spirituality, I look to them and see how their differences and openness has made me look at my own spirituality and prayer in a different way.

While I feel as though there have been numerous individuals that I have met or been influenced by the last few months, I feel as though the three ladies I have the privilege of sharing this experience with have truly made the most lasting impact. In no small way, they have encouraged me to consult my dreams and hopes, telling me not to sell myself short; they have seen my potential and supported me in seeking it; they have believed that I can do anything I set my mind to and have helped me fall in love with the BX and all the amazing stories it has to share.

Back in the New York groove...

2008-11-15T18:58:00.003-05:00

I have found the theme song for my community, the four lovely ladies of the BX, but I will get to that soon enough. The past week or so has been quite nice and a bit different from the general run of the mill that I've become accustomed to.

Everything began last Friday with a half day. St. Nick's has a half day every first Friday of the month. In some ways, it's still very traditionally Catholic. Therefore, at 11:30 the children come down the stairs into the gym where Evelyn and I attempt to see that their homework is completed, their food is eaten, and in general nobody dies for the next 7 hours or until the final child is picked up. I officially handed out my first Saturday detentions (which resulted in two, but especially one very angry parent...that was no fun).

Nothing quite out of the ordinary occurred during the After School this particular day, and so I left at 5:30 to embark on a weekend getaway with the roomies to the Jersey Shore. Meg works at Siena House which is a shelter for homeless women who are either pregnant or have very young children. Two of the ladies that work there are Dominican Sisters who own a house (the order as a whole) in Ventnor, NJ about a mile away from Atlantic City. Once a year, the sisters like to reserve the house and have a little mini retreat/vacation for the staff and respective friends/family of Siena House. They were quite gracious and invited the four of us to join them for the weekend. To begin with, the house was gorgeous and literally right on the water. It was the last house on the street before you hit the boardwalk and sand. Our room looked out onto the ocean which was so beautiful to wake up to in the morning and go to sleep listening to.

The weekend was really nice for multiple reasons, one of which was the fact that the four of us were together for the whole weekend which rarely seems to happen. Also cool was the fact that two of last year's BX AVs come up from Philly for the weekend as well. We had all previously met Porter (Katie) who is going to S. Africa next year and went to orientation with. The second was Lauren M. (one of the two Lauren's living here). It was really cool to finally feel like we had stories to share with one another, people or events that we've each experienced in our respective times in the BX. All the volunteers are coming up the first weekend of December as part of a BX tradition which I'm excited about. It'll be fun to talk about the craziness that is St. Nick's and the BX in general.

I also absolutely loved playing on the beach. There is little better than the feeling of sand between your toes, lying down, collecting shells, and taking goofy photos with some great people. We went to Mass on Sunday at a really cute little church who 1) had a visiting Irish priest who gave an awesome homily and 2) sang "We are One Body" which totally took me back to the days of St. John's. The only negative part of the whole weekend...well there are two...1) it took us forever to come home because the traffic was ridiculous, although it was amusing either evading certain cars with creepy old men who would stare at our car or trying to catch up to other cars for one reason or another; and 2) we accidentally forgot to close the fridge all the way when we left so we returned to a smelly apartment with rotten milk among other items. That was quite unfortunate.

The week wasn't too bad all in all either. It was short due to Veteran's Day for which the roomies and I took the opportunity to take our Christmas photo. Be looking for that shortly. ;) We were quite amused at one point when we asked a gentleman from Moty's (the deli/bodega across the street) to take a picture of us to which he asked if we were going to use it for our MySpace page. Hmm. Not so much.

Last night was really fun and momentous because it was the first time the four of us roomies went out to the bars as a group. We've had several pairs or trios but at least one of us has always decided to sit out the night. Last night, however, we met up with a group of Dominican Volunteers that live in the area and went to a local BX museum that had an exhibit on street art from the 50s to now. It was really cool and I'd like to make it back to see it longer. Unfortunately, it was only open until 8, and we got there around 7. My favorite piece by far was entitled "New York Groove" hence the title of the blog (it's a song by Ace Frehley from Kiss). It was a video filmed in Mexico City (okay, slight bias because of that), where a guy was coming out of the subway and just rocking out dancing down the street. As he continues among the mass of people, he gets three other guys to join him who all begin dancing down the street as well. The roomies and I decided they were totally us and that New York groove is now officially our theme song. The End.

After the museum, we joined the Dominicans at Yankee Tavern where we actually had an opportunity to talk to them. They are all really cool and it's nice to have some other connections here in the BX. Afterwards, one of the Dominicans, Kim (Meg's friend from camp), and the four of us ventured into Manhattan to meet up with some JVs we met a few weeks back. They were at a bar that has 50 cent Bud Lights from 9 to 11 every Friday. It was insanely packed, but fun. The night didn't end too late either as we got back a little before 3 (which sounds late, but really isn't too bad considering most places around here stay open until 4).

The next couple of weeks are going to be ridiculously busy but wonderful. It all starts Monday with our director April coming for a site visit. She'll be here until Wednesday. Then, Thursday, Katie's boyfriend Oscar is coming to visit. And Sunday...MARY O is coming to visit me!!! She'll be here for a whole week to celebrate Thanksgiving. We're having a bunch of people over including the Lawrence AVs, my brother, and Evelyn and her husband. :) I'm so excited for it. Hopefully the dinner goes well. And we're planning on doing the Parade. It'll be great.

Anyhow, now we're heading out to the Irish pubs (with legit Irish folk I hear) in Woodlawn where the 4 train ends (although, we're taking a taxi actually...which is exciting because it's a gypsy cab that doesn't have rates and you have to haggle your price...oh, and it's my first official taxi ride in NYC).

All in all, life here is quite fabulous and I'm just enjoying being in the New York groove.

Somewhere in Between...

2008-11-06T20:00:00.003-05:00

My roommates and I have been talking recently about getting to that point where you realize that you're not in New York for a vacation and that this is our life for a year. The city seems to be less and less larger than life and life in the Big Apple becomes its strange way of routine.

Now, don't get me wrong or anything. Living in New York is anything but normal...especially living in the Bronx. It's not an easy life here...at all, and sometimes just when I begin to feel comfortable in this place, I am thrown back into the reality of life this year and the people I see day in and day out. It's beautiful and it's tragic and it's one of the most eye-opening experiences I've ever been in.

This is my life and the people I work with: most of the students at St. Nick's either currently or have had a family in prison. The idea of a five or six year having multiple siblings by multiple parents is normal. Many of the kids I see and work with are being raised by a single parent, if that...there are some whose biological parents are not even in the picture and are being raised by their grandparents because their parents are addicted to drugs or are young themselves. Some of my favorite students (even though I know I'm not supposed to have them) break my heart the most because they have learned at much too young an age how cruel this world can be. Children who have been abandoned or abused.

And then, I take a step back and think...this is in a private school. These are the lucky ones who have at least someone in their life who cares about their future enough to try to get them a decent education. As many problems as St. Nick's may have and it's students endure, at least they have a shot. It's no secret that New York City Public Schools are the worst in the country by far. Did you know that last year over 90,000 students missed more than a month of school. Dr. Moffa is constantly telling me about the students coming from public schools and the sad thing is you can totally tell. They are so far behind the other students in just about every subject. Being a public school kid my whole life, I never realized how great a school district I was a part of. Granted, it was perfect by a long shot, but it was an education taught by people who cared. And I'm not saying people don't care here in NY. I think there's a solid core of instructors who are trying to better the situation but currently, the reality is if you want a decent education, you go private.

This is my life at school. Living in the Bronx also has its share of eye-opening experiences. Take for example Halloween, where schools are let out early (1:30 at mine) so that kids can go trick-or-treating when there is still plenty of daylight. Why? It's too dangerous to be out and about at night. This year, the rumors ran rampant that Halloween weekend is Blood Initiation weekend. Thus, those hoping to be initiated into the Bloods were supposedly going to go on a slashing spree targeting young women. Initially, my roommates and I were talking of going into the city to see a really big popular parade in the Village and have a night out on the town. We opted to going to Kim's apartment, ordering Chinese, watching Friends, and playing Mad Gab. I had a lot of fun regardless. Another interesting tidbit about Halloween here in the BX. The area I live in is not very residential at all. All you have are huge apartment buildings (if you're familiar with WSU, imagine the Stephenson Towers all over the place) in place of houses with yards and white picket fences. Other parts of the Bronx are a little more residential, but that's a different story. My street is right off of Fordham Rd, a huge main road in the BX. So, what do the kids do? They go up and down Fordham which is lined with lots of little stores and get candy from the store owners.

The latest news comes today where literally the next street over from where I live there was a 13-hour standoff as a man stood outside on a ledge outside his apartment threatening to jump because he had stabbed his girlfriend to death.

While stories that extreme don't necessarily happen every day in my neighborhood, they're not really all that rare either. And I think that's one of the most interesting lessons I'm learning about this year. For example, hearing sirens multiple times a day doesn't really phase me any longer. And I'm not sure if that's a good thing to be taking away from all of this. Life is different. People are different. In many ways, they're harder. The kids for example...they know so much and act so differently than I ever would have imagined when I was 5, 6, 7.

But at the same time, they're just kids. They love candy and enjoy playing basketball and cards. They seek hugs and high fives. They smile and they cry and they tell you they love you. And a large part of me loves them back.

Living in the Bronx is crazy. There is truly never a dull moment. Take for example on Tuesday when Obama won and people went wild on Andrews Ave driving down the street blasting their songs of victory, cheering, dancing, and whooping out their windows and on the sidewalks. No matter what your political views may be, it was a beautiful scene to behold. Or then there's living in my ancient apartment being home alone on a quiet evening and having the fire alarm go off forcing me to call the Bronx fire department who were just as clueless as I was about our outdated fire system. It was quite amusing the next day. :)

Even aside from all the hecticness, I really enjoy all I'm able to do over here. It's spending the weekend with my aunt and her family who discovered I was craving pozole and made me a whole huge pot. It's bowling in our really long hallway and ending up doing handstands instead. It's having the little kids get excited when they see me or tell me I need to go home because I'm sick (again...one priest told me he thinks I'm allergic to the East Coast, a second told me I should eat dirt to build up my immune system).

I'm loving it here even though I miss home sometimes more than than I ever thought imaginable. I cry really easily which is good and bad. I'm learning a lot about myself and about this world that I'm a part of. Even though I can't ever picture myself living in the Bronx or even on the East Coast permanently, I have a feeling this year will always be a part of what I become in the future. At the end of the day, I always feel as though I'm somewhere in between being completely here and completely at home, but more and more, the people I see day to day are becoming my family...although I really can't wait to fly home for Christmas. :)

You don't always have to hold your head higher than your heart...

2008-10-26T10:37:00.003-04:00

It's kind of funny how something that once completely consumed your every waking thought becomes difficult to write about once the situation has been resolved.

To begin with, I'm no longer teaching Spanish...or really teaching much at all anymore. Over the last couple of months, I've begun to realize certain things about myself that I think I kind of knew all along somewhere deep inside of me. First of all, and possibly most importantly, I have come to the realization that I'm not called to be a teacher in my life. Don't take this the wrong way or anything. I love working with youth and I think education is a very vital part of every child/adolescent's life. However, the best way that I can use the gifts that God has given me is not in the classroom as an instructor.

This was a very painful lesson to learn or to come to terms with. Have you ever had an experience where you knew you were fully capable of doing something, yet for some reason you had built up such a block to it that even knowing where to begin became an anxiety-inducing event?

Spanish was not good for my health. Between the anxiety and colds that I had (especially at the beginning of my time here), days I would have to teach made me physically sick. I'll spare the really gruesome details, but more than anything, I was so frustrated by the situation that in my heart, I no longer found joy in teaching. It wasn't the students...in fact, they made the decision of leaving the Spanish really, really difficult. Like I said, I love working with youth.

However, after many tear-filled conversations with many people and breaking down in front of my principal a couple of times, we decided it was best to stop with the Spanish, much to the rather vocal disappointment of many of my former students.

Now, I'm much happier with my current situation. I'm spread all over the place...in place of the times I had Spanish classes, I now take out 7 struggling students from the class I would have had (6th/7th/8th) and attempt to work with them on their reading and writing. I emphasize the word attempt because I think it's going to be quite a battle to get them to do much of anything in the time I have them. My mornings are spent in my principal's office helping her to organize her life. I'm essentially her personal assistant so I check her mail/email, do her filing, and in general try to make sense of her disarray. My afternoons are still in the after school program where every day I have something new to smile about. Someday, I'll also begin running the library (fingers crossed).

I'd have to say, my life is definitely becoming much more routine, but I'm thoroughly enjoying the routine. I enjoy when Erika, a second grade emotional girl, shares her snack with me and gives me a kiss on the cheek or when Tyace, the cutest little boy in kindergarten, thinks I'm silly for not knowing what he means when he asks me if he can "get light" on the mats in the gym (it means break dancing, by the way). I love when I'm able to stop Shanelia's or Jonathan's tears, no matter why they're crying or have Gabriel get really excited about his huge Halloween plans. These may be little moments in my days, but they're quickly becoming what I live for. After all, isn't that what life is all about?

Live a life less ordinary, live a life extraordinary... (Part I)

2008-10-15T20:42:00.007-04:00

Okay, so it's been about a month (again) since I've written in here. And what a month it's been.

Sometimes, I'm not quite sure where to begin. The good? The bad? The pain? The revelations?

I suppose I'll start from the beginning (and break it into parts) highlighting weekends first and then everything else.

So, about a month ago, I was caught between two extremes, and that's pretty much been the case for the last four weeks. When I wrote last, I felt clarity from a trial. I struggled with teaching the Spanish, but by week's end, I was at happiness once again. I felt as though I learned my lesson and could move forward with my year from there.

That weekend, I was able to immerse myself in New York life. On Friday, one of the Augustinians had gotten us tickets to a Yankee game. As painful as it was to be surrounded by Yankee fans who idolize A-Rod, it was actually a pretty neat experience. I enjoyed finding the Seattle flag and proudly took a picture of it, but more than that, it was cool to be able to attend a game in such an historic ballpark. The Yankees were playing their first game of the final series in Yankee Stadium, which they ended up winning. Although originally I think they were planning on saving the stadium, the city has since then decided to tear it down.

The most amusing/depressing part of the experience, though, I'd have to say occurred after the game was over. Yankee Stadium is located in the BX, although it's towards the southwestern edge heading into Manhattan (right across the water, you'd end up in Harlem). To get home, we take the 4 train which stops maybe five minutes from where I live. It goes from Brooklyn (which crosses through Manhattan) to Woodlawn (which is in the northern part of the BX). Anyhow, to get home, we take the Woodlawn bound train. As my roommates and I got on the platform to wait for our train, we were joined by maybe 10/20 other individuals, some who had gone to the game, some who were just waiting for the train. However, across the tracks on the other platform (Brooklyn bound) there were something life 4 or 5 trains waiting in line to transport everyone else back to their respective homes. In the BX where if you're light-skinned/white, you're vastly in the minority, the complete opposite is true at Yankee games. Of course, it makes sense, especially since tickets are not the cheapest items to come by. It was odd though to see how acutely aware of little/major injustices I've become since living here. In a community that is mainly Dominican and Puerto Rican, baseball and basketball are hands down the most popular sports. Yet indulging the love of the game is not as easy for some even if the stadium is literally in their back yard.

Anyhow, the game was merely the beginning of a whirlwind weekend. Saturday, my baby cousin was getting baptized. Early that morning, two of my uncles swung by to pick me up to take me to my aunt's house. I spent the day at the baptism and their place, and the evening was quite the large fiesta. In many ways, the party was wonderful, but overwhelming at the same time. It's been a while (five years this December) since I last went to Mexico, which means that it's been that long or longer since I've seen several of my relatives. It was really great to see so many of them, and meet a ton more that I've never met (many of my mom's cousins), but at the same time, having not really kept in contact with many of them, my shy tendencies came out a bit as I didn't quite know where to start catching up with many of them. Don't get me wrong or anything, I had a great time, but there were a few moments I caught myself thinking about what life would have been like had I grown up in this area. The great news though is that I ran into two of my first cousins once removed (my mom's first cousins) who are relatively around my age. Anyhow, these two completely took me in and my cousin Alvaro has decided that it will be his mission to be my unofficial tour guide for the year. It's funny, my mom had mentioned to me that they're living here, but in the course of everything, I had forgotten that fact and now they're the two members of my family that I'll likely be spending a majority of my time with. Funny how life works.

At the party (from which I went to bed at like 3), I made plans to meet up with Alvaro, Jesus, and their mom (who happened to be in town visiting) and go to Manhattan for a parade celebrating the Mexican heritage. The Tuesday before was Mexico's Independence Day and every year they have a parade full of mariachis, bandas, and more red, white, and green than you could imagine. After the parade, we decided to take advantage of the gorgeous weather and spend the day in Manhattan. Alvaro knows his way around pretty well and showed us the Empire State Building, the Statue of Liberty, the Brooklyn Bridge, Wall St., and Ground Zero, all of which I had not yet seen. While we hit all those pretty quickly due to time constraints, he's promised me to take me back to most of them for longer periods of time. By the time I got home that night, I was completely exhausted from all of the weekends events.

I'll skip my weeks for now and jump ahead to my following weekend. The next weekend, my roommates and I had decided to make a community weekend. On Friday, we all packed up and decided to road trip it across two states into Boston. (Really, though, the drive only took a little more than 3 hours). We have another AV community in Lawrence, which is about 40 minutes outside of Boston and my brother is there going to BC, one of my roommates graduated from BC and has tons of friends in the area, as does my other roommate who went to Merrimack which is also in the area. We drove straight to Lawrence on Friday and joined them as they were watching the first presidential debate which they turned into a really amusing drinking game. It was nice to see the four of them and hear how their years have been going so far.

Saturday, Kendra and I left Lawrence to head to Boston. I was going to meet up with my brother who was running an 8K while Kendra was meeting up with some of her friends. Meeting up with my brother included tackling Boston public transportation (consisting of riding the T and a bus) to his race. Needless to say, I rocked it, and I must say that Boston mass. transit is soooooooooo much less complicated than New York's. Anyhow, it was really nice seeing Eric because it was the first time since June that I was seeing him and it was the first time in a much longer time that I was seeing him run. Unfortunately, I was planning on taking a picture of him finishing but another runner a little bit ahead of him collapsed right in front of me. Amidst the commotion of everyone running to attend to the fallen runner, my brother happened to finish. I suppose I'll just have to go watch him race again. The rest of Saturday consisted in going out to breakfast with a bunch of runners from his club (including the eccentric coach who told me of the miserable month he spent one summer in the 70s in Pullman running), hanging out at his place, and going out with his roommates that night to an Irish pub. Boston has a really large Irish population (and I so couldn't stop thinking of the Boondock Saints the whole time I was there), but Dorchester, where my brother lives used to have a huge Irish population way back when which has since moved on. As a result, there were tons of Irish pubs built, and while most of the Irish have left, the pubs have remained. The one we went to was owned by an Irish gentleman coming straight from Ireland with the thick accent still intact. This pub is also frequented not only by my brother and his roommates, but by a large group of Irish individuals, some living in the area, some just coming to visit. One individual we chatted with spoke to us about how awful teachers are treated here in the states versus in Europe. I couldn't help smiling to myself hearing his accent. What can I say? I'm amused by simple things. That night was really fun as was the rest of my time with my brother and his roommates. I'll definitely be returning for a weekend before this year is up.

Sunday, I met back up with Kendra and her friend who was in the area for the week. We spent quite a while driving around trying to figure our way around roundabouts and random streets to get back on the freeway to go pick up Meg and Katie. Luckily, we found our way eventually. :) The rest of Sunday consisted of road tripping back to the now familiar BX, which is more and more feeling like home, at least for now.

The next weekend wasn't terribly exciting. Friday night was spent in as we were concluding our first official site visit (of which I'll speak more of on a different post). The night, while "uneventful" was quite fabulous though as my roommates and I were able to just sit and laugh with April and Jane. Those three days included much more laughing than I'd done in a while. It was also nice to just sit with the roommates for a while. We spend most of our weekday evenings together, but our weekends are generally all over the place. Case in point, we have yet to all go out one night together, although it is on our agenda at some point.

Saturday, Kendra met up with a friend in Manhattan while Meg, Katie, and I headed first to the Siena House Thrift Store (where Meg works one day a week) and then a little ways away, mainly window shopping and exploring of that sort. The afternoon was spent in lazy glory as we watched The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants, I painted my nails, and Meg straightened her hair. We are, after all, girls. That night the three of us met up with Meg's friend Kim and went out in Manhattan to two pretty cool bars (Jake's Dilemma and The Gin Mill, both of which are owned by the same people). These bars were really cool and had a very post-college feel to them which was nice considering that many of the cheap places around the BX here are near Fordham which has a very college feel to them. The Gin Mill is apparently the local teacher hot spot, but I was super excited because a few of the TVs were playing the Cougar game. Nobody was quite as excited by this as I was, but I was thrilled. Go Cougs!!! (even if they're pretty horrible this season). I'll never stop bleeding crimson and gray.

Sunday was pretty much a catch-up day. Mass. Grocery shopping. Meeting. Etc. Nothing too exciting.

This past weekend my brother came to town for the three-day. Friday night for me was a bedtime of 10 PM. (I was pretty exhausted). Saturday, my brother came in after some hassle and difficulties. I spent the morning being fairly productive getting my laundry done, doing some organizing, and cleaning. That afternoon I met up with him at the bus station and walked around Manhattan, meeting up with his friend Katie from high school. We went to her place on the West End, which is totally a tiny Manhattan apartment. I've seen them on TV, but in person, it's something else. We went to dinner to the most delicious pizza place and then hung out walking around. I'm enjoying working my way through Manhattan. Pretty soon I'll have tackled it all. I decided to head home and not go out that night which was just as well because I was pretty exhausted after my day.

Sunday, after Mass (which I lectored at, co-lectoring with a Social Worker, and missing my cue to enter...whoops), Katie and I headed to Manhattan to go meet up with my cousins Alvaro and Jesus to see the Hispanic Day Parade which is held annually on the Sunday before Columbus Day. Beginning with Spain, most Latin American countries are represented with their traditional music/dress/colors. Hands down, Panama and Peru were by far the best, with Panama being the clear winner had their been one. My cousins had found spots across the street from St. Patrick's Cathedral which was way cool because the Cardinal was outside watching the whole parade process by. After the parade, we met up with my brother and walked through Times Square, stopping in the most gigantic Toys R' Us ever where Katie and I walked through a life-sized Barbie Dream House. We hit up 6th Ave (the Ave of the Americas) where they had a huge street fair, and then stopped by Central Park a little bit before heading home.

Monday was a holiday so the day was spent grocery shopping and having our weekly business meeting.

This weekend has been pretty nice so far. Yesterday, Meg, Kendra and I (Katie's out of town), headed towards Harlem to meet up with a nearby JV community. Their community is five girls who are all really cool. I was super excited because one lived in Vancouver, WA for 10 years and another is from Spokane. Yay for Washington! They have another JV community that live about five blocks away who we'll hopefully meet sometime soon. It'll be nice to get together with them throughout the year and more than anything it's nice to know a few more people in the area.

Today's been fairly low key but super productive. I got up on the earlier end of things and have been doing laundry and loads of cleaning and organizing all day. I've finally worked my way through all the random papers and other items that have been building up in my room over the last couple of months. While it may sound lame, I was in a very happy place all day, especially when I got to talk to Sheela for a while on the phone. Tomorrow I'm hoping to continue tackling more items in my huge to-do list, so my fingers are crossed that this motivation will bleed into tomorrow.

Anyhow, this is the end of part 1 of the last month of my life. Weekends have been quite eventful. Forgive me for the lengthy post. :) I do enjoy filling you in on all the goings-on of my life.

Stay tuned for part 2...the weeks, the drama, the learning who I am...

Growing Pains...

2008-09-17T22:08:00.002-04:00

It's amazing how much you can learn about yourself in just a few days. How at once you can feel so blessed and broken at the same time.

So, I've been having a really amazing time in the BX (and surrounding areas). There have been so many amazing people that I have been able to meet (and not to mention live with) and great opportunities that have come into my life. However, I would be lying if I said it's been all easy.

Between Monday and Tuesday, I pretty much had a breakdown. I've been sick pretty much since I got to the Bronx (one cold quickly followed by another, which has made more than one person concerned) which has not helped too much with the stress factor. Add that to teaching, which at times I feel so overwhelmed by, and you get me the last couple of days.

Don't get me wrong. I think teaching has the possibility to be really life changing, but having never really taught much in my life, combined with have middle schoolers, combined with having about 40 in each class, combined with having really no idea what I'm doing really got to me. It didn't really help matters much that Monday night during prayer we were listening to some praise and worship that were regulars during P&W at St. Tommy's. My heart broke out of homesickness and I began to really wonder what in the world it was that I was doing here. I felt like I was so excited to come here and experience this year of volunteerism in a new place with new people, and then I felt like it was all too much for me, that I was a failure and a fraud, and that I had no reason to be here.

After several tears to several people, ending with completely breaking down at prayer last night, and lots of prayer and supplication, I woke this morning with a different perspective.

Today was definitely much better. I don't know, it's amazing how just when you're feeling your lowest, God manages to bring something about that will change your mind and disposition. It wasn't a perfect day by far, but it had its moments, which I'm learning really make the experience.

It's anywhere from walking past the younger kids in line for the cafeteria and getting really excited because the after-school teacher (me) is walking by or working with a kid one-on-one who is struggling so much to understand his math or phonics homework and sitting with him until he not just gets it, but finishes all his homework and then he can go to McDonald's, or working with another one who is bummed because he thinks he won't have time to play because he's the last to finish his homework and then helping him finish everything and still have time to have fun, or any one of the multiple hugs, hand-holds, or high fives you get from the kids, or hearing the sixth grade teacher tell other teachers that the kids are loving Spanish (however badly I'm messing that up) and don't want me to leave.

I'm not sure that teaching is where my heart is at, but I have realized I love kids. While it's chaos in its worse sense, at the end of the day, I feel so accomplished. I think it's going to be really difficult to leave at the end of the year, but who knows, in another two weeks, I could be wishing I were home again.

More than anything though, I'm just truly thankful for this taste of humility. I asked for brokenness, and while it's not in the form I thought it would be, I am growing so much over here.

I still miss home. I probably always will. However, I think when I hurt, it comes more from a realization that moving forward is okay. While I'm not necessarily "leaving" anyone behind, I'm building a life where the people who were my life the last four years are not in my every day, save prayer. I think of these people often, but I live in a new community, and while it's hard to let the former one go and grow without me, I am getting to a point where I'm almost okay with that. It'll still take time, I'm sure.

Anyhow, that's been the last three days. But I'm falling in love with St. Nick's. And the BX. And it's almost starting to feel like home.

“Tell your heart that the fear of suffering is worse than the suffering itself, and that no heart ever suffered when it goes in pursuit of its dreams, because every second of the search is a second’s encounter with God and with eternity.”

~Paulo Coelho

Te Mando Flores...

2008-09-14T18:39:00.002-04:00

Goodness gracious, it's been quite a week since I wrote in here last. I'll just take you on a day by day synopsis of life in the BX.

Friday: I spent much of the day with my co-worker Evelyn (she's the director of the After School Program I'm helping out with this year) cleaning out a play room that will be used to keep the kindergarteners and first graders occupied during After School. This was quite a feat as it appeared the room had not been cleaned in months. The result of our hard work was a pretty decent looking room, several bug bites (that each swelled to the size of a dime or nickel), and my second nasty cold since coming to the BX. I'm pretty sure the priests next door think I'm going to be perpetually sick. However, before the cold set in (I was feeling pretty decent at this point), my roommates Meg, Kendra, and I headed to Manhattan for a night out on the town. We were meeting Meg's friend from camp and several of her friend's friends. We started out at a little Mexican joint where they had $3 margaritas for happy hour (mmm, not so good). From here, the large group split apart and the three of us plus two others headed to another place. We were in this second place for maybe ten minutes, but in this time, as I got in line for the bathroom, I met a grad student at NYU who works in theatre lighting. He gave me his email and told me he can get me tickets to some shows in NY. I'll have to keep that in mind. After bar 2, we ran through the downpour that had come upon us (Hannah residue), and traveled to a 3rd place which was essentially a country bar in the middle of Manhattan. Picture deer heads on the wall, a video game entitled moose hunting, and boots hung from the cieling. I felt as though I were back in Pullman. We stayed here for a nice while, met some people (I actually met a guy who was born in Issaquah, but moved when he was 2), and then attempted to head home. Unfortunately, the downpour from earlier only worsened and we were running through the pouring rain down the streets of Manhattan to get to the closest 4 stop which was conveniently several blocks away. When we finally got to the metro, I had another one of my infamous greasy old men incidents, which was actually kind of amusing. My friends and I sat down and seated across from us was an older man who immediately pulled out a 5-stick pack of Juicy Fruit and offered us some gum. We said no thanks as it was 3 in the morning and we were all tired. I was seated in the middle of the three of us and began to close my eyes to take a quick nap on the 40-minute ride back to the BX. Shortly after this, I am told to open my eyes and our friend is offering me a can of Dr. Pepper. Strange, but once again, I said no thank you. Unfortunately, every time I look over at this gentleman, he seems to be staring. Hmm. I once again close my eyes, and overhear this individual asking Meg what my name is. To which he responds, she's so beautiful, so beautiful. I decide to keep my eyes closed through this, but will chalk this up for another man who could be my father. Finally, we get home around 4 and after a rough night's sleep, get up around 7:30 the next morning.

Saturday: Due to my immense lack of sleep the night before, Saturday was quite lowkey. Nonetheless, I do have one cool anecdote. Meg had a friend from high school come over who is living in NY this year. This friend of hers happened to go to MSU and not only knows everyone I went to high school with that headed over there, but was actually roommates with one of them freshman year, and is really good friends with all of them. Blast from the past, eh? He filled me in on the latest news of several former KL Falcons which was quite amusing.

Sunday: Sunday my roommates and I headed down Fordham Road for a festival with lots of live music and blow-up toys. Katie and I headed towards the salsa stage to listen in for a little bit, when out of nowhere, a gentleman, Victor, comes up, grabs my hand, and begins salsa dancing with me. Afterwards, we get to talking and he, apart from seemingly knowing everyone at the festival, also gives us the name of a place in Manhattan that offers free salsa classes and tells us of another club that we can call him to get us free tickets to get into. Through him, we were able to meet several other individuals (all of them Boriquas) and spent the day salsa dancing in the street. Katie had to leave to go to Manhattan to meet a friend, but my new friend Roberto acted as my surrogate father/bodyguard and hung out with me for the remainder of the festival. He tried convincing one woman that I was actually his daughter, but everytime I would dance with someone new, he would hold my purse for me. And, when he saw that I didn't have anything to drink, he went and bought me a bottle of water. So sweet. He's a bus driver here in the BX and told me of good places to go and let me know that I can give him a call if I ever need anything. We hung out with another woman from Columbia for a good portion of the day. It was quite exciting.

Monday-Friday: First Official Week of School
This week also marked the first week that I was actually teaching and leading the After School Program. As imagined, it's going to take a little bit to get used to all the students and the whole teaching thing. Each of my classes has almost 40 students in it, which is going to be a job in figuring out all their names. However, I think I'm making a decent impression. I've had a few students introduce me to their parents and I had one student's younger sister ask me if it was true that I was Mexican, which leads me to believe that I've been talked about (in a positive way, it seems). I'm still quite the minority in my classes. Out of all three, I only have a few that are partially/all Mexican. Although one girl perked up when I said I liked the Chivas. For the most part, the school and this area of the BX is mainly Boriqua (Puerto Ricans) or from the DR, while there is also a segment of Cambodians and Vietnamese, and a few others here and there. I've only had them each for three days, so it'll be a little bit until I really get the hang of it. After School is definitely a work in progress. I'm there from 2:30 to 6 every day (except for Mondays), where the students are supposed to work on their homework, get some gym time, and play some games or coloring. It's a headache and a blessing all at once. I'm already getting really attached to some of the kids. It's really nice getting so many hugs and having them all want to hang out with you. However, they are a handful and it's difficult getting them all settled to do their homework in the first place. It's so rewarding though, working with some of the kids when they have trouble with their homework and seeing the light bulb click so to speak and having them understand. It's such an amazing feeling. On the flip side, making kids cry or seeing them cry is still a little tough. It's nice being Ms. Mendoza and hopefully things will only become smoother as I get to know the children better. One thing is for sure, I am sure exhausted when each day is complete, but it's a great sort of exhaustion.

Saturday: Fiesta 2008
Yesterday, I went into Manhattan with Katie for an all-day free event put on by People en Espanol. While there, we got free makeovers and hairstyles, and the best part of it all, got to see tons of famous latino celebrities. The highlights for me were hands down seeing Luis Fonsi (the headliner) and FONSECA, who I so love. He is a fantastic singer and I'm still kind of in awe that I went and didn't have to pay anything (besides lunch). And the best part, we had amazing spots. I'll have to get some pictures posted soon from the concert, but it was amazing. And we didn't even get lost or anything going into Central Park. Before the concert was pretty cool too though, as the two of us got an opportunity to explore Central Park a little bit more. I love it and especially all the musicians who find a random corner to share their talents with the world and hopefully make a few dollars in the process. The best by far was a family who was singing under a bridge and gave the most beautiful rendition of "Amazing Grace" I have heard in a long time. It seriously almost brought tears to my eyes.

Other than that, it's just been grading and lesson planning (which I have a ton to do still). This week is looking to be another great one as Tuesday is two of my roommates' birthdays, Friday we have a Yankees game (one of the Augustinians we met got us tickets to the game, which happens to be the first game of the final series ever to be played in Yankee Stadium), and Saturday is my cousin's baptism which I'll be heading up to New Rochelle for. In the middle of all that, of course, I have my actual job.

I'm thinking most weeks won't be this extreme, but who knows. Every day is a new adventure in the BX.

Living in the BX

2008-09-04T09:50:00.000-04:00

Okay, so I realize that summer blogging was definitely not for me. Suffice it to say that I had an absolutely amazing time, full of reconnections and reflection. Between the girls' retreat, Agape, Chile, Weekend with the girls, and Melissa's visit, I was so humbled by all the amazing people God has placed into my life.

Fast forward to Philly. Now, to describe everything about orientation and then my first week in the BX would amount to a novel. So, I'll just give you the highlights.

Philly was quite lovely. I've been spoiled here with gorgeous weather...take mid-80s and subtract the humidity. There have been a couple of warmer days, but for the most part, it's been paradise. So orientation can be summed up with long days, lots of beer and wine, gifts, and community. Our days would generally begin anywhere between 8 to 10, usually closer to 10 because the Augustinians' sense of time is quite relative. We would have a few talks everyday (based on a theme) anywhere from living in community to simple living to social justice. Most of these talks were given by one of the directors, a member of the Augustinians, or a former AV. For dinner, we'd go to a different Augustinian community in the Philly area each night and then come back for evening prayer, which consisted of each community giving their faith journeys. Each day would be a little bit different. For example, on Tuesday, we broke up into our communities (there are six of us) and went on a 4 hour scavenger hunt around downtown. On Saturday, we had former AVs come and speak to us about their experience (although we had them coming in all week to lead morning prayer or give talks). The coolest part about this program is how close everyone truly is to one another. Whether you're about to enter your first year of service or you volunteered five years ago, you become part of a family. The last day before we headed to the BX (and our other respective sites), we spent the day on the Jersey Shore. We went to Ocean City, and it's pretty funny because technically you have to pay to use the beach and have a beach tag, but nobody really does so when people come around looking for beach tags everyone either feigns sleep or runs and jumps in the water. Go figure. Really, though, orientation was amazing and it was so wonderful getting to meet all the other volunteers. It's amazing to hear how all of our different journeys have all led us here to live in solidarity with one another for this next year. As I grow with my roommates, I also look forward to keeping in touch with the other communities and seeing them in January for mid-year.

On to the Bronx. Which is AMAZING. I so love it here. I live with three other girls this year in our 3rd floor apartment, which is the top floor of an old convent. The first two floors have since become an immigrant and refugee center, where two of my roommates will be working for the year. The third is at Siena house, a homeless shelter for women with children (either pregnant or recently having given birth) which is about 15 minutes away, and I'll be working at St. Nick's next door. Our apartment is ridiculous. To begin with, it's so much bigger than I imagined. We have 5 bedrooms for 4 girls, 3 bathrooms with 2 showers, a computer room, a sitting room, a TV room, and a dining room/quasi-kitchenette. The apartment is older so it definitely has it's quirks. For example, we need to prop open all the windows because otherwise they just shut, one of our toilets flushes up, our lamps are testy and need to be turned on in just the right way, and everything else is a maze. For several places you have to open the doors in a certain order (i.e. one of our shower rooms is a little tricky) or else you'll end up somewhat stuck. Our stove is located on the first floor (we share it with the immigration center) so all of our dinners will be down there (we do lunch and breakfast upstairs) and our washer and dryer are in the basement where you have to go through a really sketchy path to get to. All the sites also get a community car, but we don't really use ours except for grocery shopping because the driveway not only is long and narrow but has several tricky turns to maneuver around. As a result of many scratched and dented cars, they've put up carpeting on the walls. It's a trip.

Our building is located between the school that I'll be working at (which just recently celebrated it's centennial...it used to be the high school, but now is just an elementary school) and the most gorgeous church you have ever seen.
This picture is from online, but I'll try to take my own pictures of this area soon and post them (although I've been really awful about taking pictures lately). Across the street from us is a barber shop (Mi Gente) and a deli (Moti's Deli Grocery). Next to these begin the first of several apartment buildings. I've never seen so many as a I have here. This location though really puts us right in the community which is a really cool concept. Our building, in typical NY fashion, also has a stoop which we have made much use of and has also garnered us a couple of friends. Two guys in particular, Rico and D, live across the street and have been especially helpful in letting us know where are places to go around this area.

Other than stoop sitting, there's been much exploring going on. We've walked around Fordham Rd (which is right off of Andrews where I live and is a major road in the area), visited Manhattan, and located the nearest Costco, Target and other important stores. On Sunday, I also had the opportunity to get together with my aunt (mom's sister) and her family who I hadn't seen in about five years. My youngest cousin is getting baptized later this month, so I'm seeing them then as well. It was such a wonderful day, even though I lost my voice that night and the whole next day. Going along with the whole community aspect, it's tradition that we eat dinner with the Augustinian friars every Monday, although we've already eaten with them three times since we've been here (the first night, the feast day of St. Augustine, and Labor Day). They're all quite characters. It'll usually be just the four of us plus three of them, but on the feast day of St. Augustine, some came down from Staten Island. In a group of sixteen, 11 were religious. It was fabulous.

Work "started" this week, but I don't really begin until Monday when full days begin (this week is all half-days). Then, I'll be teaching Spanish three times a day and doing After School for 3 hours (except on Mondays when it's only 2 1/2 or half days when it goes from 11:45 to 6). Sometime in mid to end-September I'll also start working in the library which I'm super excited about. I'm such a nerd. I'm sure I'll have many more exciting stories as the year really gets under way.

Until then, I'll leave you with a quote that really sums up this year and where I'm at: You have made us for yourself, O Lord, and our heart is restless until it rests in you. ~ St. Augustine.

For all the restless hearts in the world...

Overdue Catch-Up

2008-07-09T18:15:00.001-04:00

Goodness, I definitely fail in the blogging department, but I promise to try and be better from here on out. Without writing an entire novel, I'll try to sum up my summer on the west side somewhat briefly.

June 5-17: End of an era and coming home...
My last few days in Pullman went by quite wonderfully including lovely conversation, eating way too much at coffee shops, gender role reversals, and a nice little Euro Cup match over breakfast. Brian and I went to visit Afra on Saturday and joined Braedan and Monica for dinner before hitting the Spokane night life. Quite fun. Finally, on Sunday I came home (yay!). Mass was wonderful (even though I was a bit exhausted at that point), but after a quick meeting afterwards, I joined a bunch of the St. John's kids for dinner which has certainly become a highlight of the summer (seeing as how Patti and I were the only estrogen-representing individuals, it was quite a riot). More than anything, it was just wonderful to see so many people and catch up with them. Other than that, a couple of highlights from that first week and a half included a planning meeting for this summer's girls' retreat, followed by coffee with Patti and going to Chopstix (the most amazing bar ever) for drinks with Dani and my sister.

June 18-22: Road trippin'
After settling into home (barely), my parents and I packed up for a trip to Wyoming for Marcus' graduation from Wyotech. Lovely drive and while Wyoming is a pretty state, I'm pretty sure I won't be moving there anytime soon. Highlights of this trip would have to be prairie dogs, drive-thru liquor stores (no joke - I didn't stop at any, although I'm kicking myself now for not taking a picture of one), and good family time being a cheesy tourist. Lowlights include receiving 5 mosquito bites within literally a 10-minute period which proceeded to swell up quite lovely (or not). The drives both way were really nice although we hit a fabulous storm driving through Idaho that stopped us for a while.

June 23-30: Back on the home front
When we got home from Wyoming, my older brother was actually in town. This was the last time we'll all be together until Christmas, so that was pretty nice. We got together with the neighbors one night to celebrate all the summer birthdays (little tradition of ours). I also saw one of my former youth ministers (we were really close in high school) for the first time in three years. He moved to Chicago after my freshman year in college and while he would come back to visit, I was always out of town. Anyhow, that was really exciting and he's just recently engaged so I am super happy for him. Other than him, I've also re-met up with other former youth ministers and others of the like which has been wonderful. It's always interesting coming back to St. John's. It was such a key aspect of my formation, both in terms of my faith and my life in general, and after four years, seeing how much I as well as everyone else has changed is astounding. I will always hold a pretty special place in my heart for the community though.

July 1-present: Beginning the craziest month of my summer
The last week has been pretty nuts to say the least. Tuesday (1st) was my Dad's birthday. So we celebrated. Earlier in the day, I also got together with Sheela for a nice long catch-up. That evening, we had a meeting for the girls' retreat which is actually this Friday. For the 4th, my family and I went and hiked the Twin Falls trail near North Bend. Although the weather was a bit on the grey side, it was a wonderful time. That evening, Krista and I were party hopping between our friends Chris and Luca. Chris lives on Lake Sawyer and Luca's family goes all out on the 4th. We were treated to a very wonderful, personal (thought not so legal) fireworks display after having a sing-along (everyone had a copy of Breaking Bread) and a story (there were a lot of kids). All in all, a wonderful 4th, even if I paid for it the next day because I stayed up until 3 (whoops). Monday I got together with Krista for the last time before she headed back to Bozeman (we hung out on the 30th also). Monday was lowkey consisting of grabbing a coffee, walking around Kent Station, sitting on one of those random benches you think people never use, and then sitting in her car (in the middle of a dimly lit parking garage with many passersby giving us strange looks) watching videos and looking at pictures from her trip to Costa Rica. Then yesterday was my mom and younger brother's birthdays. The mom turned the big 5-0 which was terribly exciting. We weren't really able to do anything big for her yesterday due to everyone's nutty schedules, but Saturday we've got good things planned. Ooh! And I almost forgot, a couple of days ago I got a letter from the AVs telling me who I'll be living with next year. It's me and 3 other girls, and I actually got an email from one earlier today, so that's been very exciting. I can't believe it's only a little over a month away. Oh, and I also found out that I won't be getting back until at least July 6 of next year.

Other than that [brief] recap, my summer's really starting to get busy here finally. This Friday, as I've mentioned is the girls' retreat in which we will all be pulling all-nighters around a theme of friendship (literally we have something planned every hour from 7 PM Friday to 9 AM Saturday). Saturday, we'll be celebrating the mom's day in style. Sunday to Friday, I'll be up in the Bellingham/Lynden area chaperoning a mission trip. I'll be home Friday night through Tuesday and then CHILE!!! Afra and I are so way stoked for it. I'll try and write between the mission and Chile and post some pictures up from my summer thus far sometime soon.

Conclusions and Celebrations

2008-06-05T00:38:00.000-04:00

It's over. I've officially finished my undergraduate experience at WSU. First though, I must rewind.

I'm no longer a hermit, which is exciting. Friday I got together with Alli for lunch and Kathleen & Rachel for apple crisp that evening. It's interesting how only a few weeks can be so profound and changing in your life in terms of yourself, relationships, everything.

Although I haven't just realized this, I am so floored by the people in my life. I know I've mentioned this before, especially with my grandmother's passing and everything. I have so loved growing closer to Alli the last few weeks. I'm definitely going to miss her and our conversations. And then Kathleen and Rachel, such wonderful reminders of home. It was so great to see Rachel - she's been living in Tennessee the last year and a half, so it's been a nice while since I've seen her last. She'll be back in Pullman for about a year, maybe a little longer.

Saturday was equally as excellent. To begin with, Matt came over to visit which was fantastic. I was bummed I didn't get a chance to see him at the wedding, so it was really nice to be able to see him one last time before my crazy summer really begins. After we hung out for a bit, we joined his friend Andy, Jenny, Steve, Pat, and Preston for a hike up Moscow Mountain - except we got lost on the way there and on the way up. Either way, it was really fun. After being such a hermit for so long, it was nice to be able to hang out with them all day. Afterwards, we all went to Zip's and ended up at Pat's where Amy joined us for a bit. After such a long day, I was pretty exhausted when I got home.

Sunday was pretty low key, but I did have a chance to get together with Mallorie for dinner. That was so great because we hadn't really hung out at all this year. I'm always amazed at how two people can go so long without seeing each other and then pick up right where you left off. She'll be in Michigan next year for grad school, but it was great being able to really talk one last time before I head home.

Monday was spent all day working on finishing preparing for my thesis presentation. Tuesday morning also. Not very much fun. The most excitement came from going to Ross/Winco with Rachel so I could get an outfit for the presentation. Not going home for the weddings left me with little clothes and pretty much nothing presentation-worthy. Now I have a whole new cute outfit ;o).

Tuesday brought the dreaded presentation. After having Kathy help me with my pants and visiting with Fr. Steve for like 5 minutes, I headed off to defend my thesis. Other than my advisor, Fr. Steve, Kathy, and Alli along with Jessica Cassleman and Kim Anderson were present. The presentation was all right. Not my best, but the good thing is I passed and they all really enjoyed my paper. It feels so rewarding to have their admiration after I put so much of myself into the paper.

Anyhow, after that Fr. Steve, Kathy, and I all went out to lunch at Rancho which was really nice because I was able to spend some nice time chatting with both of them. I'm going to miss them a lot next year.

That evening, a few of us got together at Pat's for a game of Scategories and some rhubarb crisp (with fabulous fat-free frozen yogurt, mmm). I really do have the most wonderful friends.

Today I enjoyed freedom :o)...I got together with Kathleen for lunch at Azia's where we had the most wonderful conversation (and food). I absolutely love that girl and am so thankful God put her into my life. After seven years, she's still one of my closest friends. I couldn't ask for anything more in life. After absolutely stuffing myself and going to her place for a while, I met up with Ali and Beth when we went to the Daily Grind (courtesy of SH ;o)) and had another wonderful conversation.

Other than that, I've already begun making plans for home (yay for Sheela & Luca) so that'll be amazing. I'm trying to really get out of my hermit hole and get back in touch with everyone I've somewhat neglected over the last few weeks. More than anything, I'm trying to make the most out of my last couple of days here in Pullman before I head out Saturday.

I'm trying really hard not to get sad about this, but I have a feeling every night from here on out is going to be somewhat difficult.

I am so happy with where my life is right now. It's just so weird to think that it's really finally all coming to an end. Pullman has changed my life. Every single person, experience, moment has helped to make me who I am today.

Without getting too cheesy, I'll never be the same girl I was four years ago getting ready to graduate from high school and I am so happy for that.

For those I never talk to anymore, for those I see everyday, for those I don't see enough...thank you from the bottom of my heart. You have made me a better person.

And God, thank You for this amazing journey.

Every day is a start of something beautiful...

2008-05-28T23:27:00.000-04:00

It's interesting how for as much as you try to plan your everyday, you really have very little control about what goes on life.

Two and a half weeks ago, on Mother's Day of all things, my abuelita passed away. Was it a shock? Yes and no. She'd be deteriorating in health the last couple of years really. She lived a long life, but ever since she developed Alzheimer's things slowly started getting worse.

A few weeks prior to her passing, she had surgery to get a feeding tube injected. She hadn't really been eating properly anymore, and this was the best way to guarantee that she would get her nutrition and all that jazz in. Unfortunately, around the first week of May, she developed an infection due to the tube. Because she was so frail to begin with, it would be too risky to do the surgery to give her a second tube. By the end of that week, her health took a sharp turn for the worst and she never recovered.

That last weekend was really hard for me. I hated the fact that I was in Pullman and not in California with my family. Her funeral was scheduled for the following Friday - as soon as I found out the date, I booked three tickets to fly out on Wednesday.

I've learned a lot in the last few weeks - about myself, my family, life in general.

Considering the circumstances, California was a really amazing time. During that experience, I couldn't think of anywhere I'd rather be than with my family. It's been hard growing up living so far from all my extended family. I can't help thinking I've missed out on so much because of it. Don't get me wrong - I've loved the way I've grown up. I feel so blessed to be where I'm at in life right now and I wouldn't trade that for world. It's just really nice being able to be with so many people that came as a result of my abuelita - 10 kids yields a whole lot of grandchildren and great grandchildren and great great grandchildren. And I love my cousins. They're amazing. I'm so proud of what they're doing with their lives. California is a different world for me. When I'm there, I connect with a different part of myself. Does that make sense?

But like I said - I wouldn't trade who I am and where I'm at for the world. I have the most amazing and supportive people in my life - whether they're comforting me when I'm falling apart, drinking some hot cocoa and just being there, taking me and/or picking me up from the airport even when they're really busy, helping me find some "extra motivation" in writing my thesis or finding a way to take me to a wedding I'd been so looking forward to going to, but coincided with California, and so many other words of encouragement, prayers, everything. For these people, I am forever grateful. I don't know what I ever did to deserve so many angels, but God has blessed me so abundantly.

Since I have been back, I went into a bit of hermit mode. Being gone for five days really put me behind in my thesis work, so last week I was putting in several very-long hour days (10+, staying up until 4:30 one morning). I did give myself two outings - one having dinner and an ultimate music listening session with Alli and another going with Erim to see the new Indiana Jones movie.

The good news is I finished the thesis. :) 63 pages later, I had it copied and bound and turned it in yesterday. I'm still recovering. Now, I have work on my presentation which will be next Tuesday to defend my work. Hopefully they enjoy it. :)

This week, I'm going to try to be a bit more sociable. I'll be in Pullman for only about another week and a half and there's many people I'd like to spend some time with before I return home.

One thing is for sure, God has taught me to let Him take the reins in life. While I am still super-excited for all the other "plans" I've made this summer, I'm holding onto them loosely.

As far as the title of this goes...I was listening to the radio (shocking, I know) the other day, and a singer I enjoy (Matt Nathanson if you've ever heard of him) was on a morning show doing the interview thing, promoting his current album, and all that jazz. Anyhow, one of the songs he sang "All We Are" caught my attention for the line that I stole for my title. While I can't relate to the entire song (although it's quality), I found this line especially fitting. All I have to do is find the beauty and take hold of it. Somehow though, I feel like God's beauty is everywhere I turn.

That is all for now. I'll try to update this a bit more frequently than I have been.

Rest in peace Abuelita. I love you.

Starting Out

2008-05-09T01:54:00.000-04:00

So I figure that to begin this properly, it would be appropriate to capture who I am as I commence with life from this point forward.

Basics:
Age ~ 22
Location ~ Pullman, WA
Song of the Moment ~ Sigo con Ella; Obie Bermudez
Best moment of senior year ~ 5.1.08: Breakfast w/the crazies; Hiking w/ Afra, Brian, and David; Women's Group Dinner; Bonfire at the River

What I'm up to: Finishing up my Honors Undergraduate Thesis; attempting to write an article for the St. Thomas More Summer Newsletter; helping Zack continue his research for his Masters Thesis

Looking forward to: Wedding #1 (Mike & Kayleen); Wedding #2 (Rebecca & John); Presenting my thesis; Road trip to Wyoming for Marcus' graduation; Chile w/ Afra to visit Brian; Philadelphia/New York (the list will most likely grow)

I'm praying through all these upcoming events and my month here in Pullman that I'll learn much about myself. It's a continuous process, and I'm discovering that whenever I think I have something figured out, the truth is more likely than not that I don't have a clue.

More than anything, I want to be able to live a life that I'm proud of.

Mahatma Gandhi once said, "Be the change you want to see in the world."

This is my ultimate goal in life. There is so much that I am or could be passionate about. Most of this is rooted in my love for service, but the closer I get to doing my year of volunteering, the more I realize everything I want to know about the world, and the more I want to change it. The more I learn, the larger the need becomes for learning more. I feel like I truly do have the world at my fingertips, I just really want to make the most of every opportunity I come across, not be afraid to seize the moment, and get outside of my comfort zone.

Through this summer and the year to come (for starters), I really want to make a difference.

In the end, I know this is possible...with God.

As Blessed Teresa of Calcutta said, "I am a little pencil in the hand of a writing God who is sending a love letter to the world." I want to be that pencil. Now all I have to do is let God use me.